Domina's Online Chat Rules for AOL and Other Channels


Manners for Online, AOL Especially

Here are just some ideas and suggestions. You can take or leave them, that’s up to you. These are NOT rules, just some helpful hints.

 1) You might want to read a Dommes profile before addressing her in the room.  Most of them specify what they'd like to be called. If they don’t I suggest defaulting to Ms (Screen name) or Ma'am.  Many of us don't like being called Mistress by people not our collared subs.

 2) Few Dommes will talk to someone without a profile. They are important. And a quality profile, one you've taken time on, is also important. While spelling errors aren’t as critical in the room chats, spelling errors in a profile are a no-no. Think of a profile as a resume.

 3) Be patient. It’s a major turn off when a guy comes in saying I want to serve!  I mean, who'd want a sub who'd want just anyone? Take the time to get to know the Dommes; chat in the room. Greet people.  Ask questions.

 4) Should you attain the attention of a Domme, the key thing is to be VERY attentive.  Ignore all else but her as long as she is continuing the conversation.

 5) The Dommes have had it up to ----> HERE with subs putting down, criticizing, and telling other subs what to do!  I recommend not doing it at all but if you must you should do it as politely or gently as possible. or in IMs as it just makes you look petty and jealous etc. if you don’t.

 6) Please, please, please IGNORE the idiots who say really rude things in the room. They are JUST looking for attention; why give them what they want???   Put these people on Ignore and talk about something else.

 7) It might seem like a small thing, but it’s a respect thing. You should always capitalize Domme, Mistress, Madam, Ma'am, our names, etc. Ok? :)

 8) Most of the Dommes require you to ask permission IN the room before IMing them please don’t take it personally if they say no. They are probably just really busy with a lot of IMs or tired of IMs and wishing to chat in the room.

 9) Though what you do is of course up to you, I think you should take the time to get to know a Domme before becoming her sub. Even if its just an online thing, who wants a sub who'd want just anyone? This is a room for real people, and it would be very strange if you had compatible kinks and personalities with every Domme in the room.   Conversely, any Domme who wants to play with you now (real or cyber) and is not taking the time to get to know YOU should be suspect.

 10) Here is the way to handle a Mistress giving you orders, who isn't your Mistress, and you don't wish to follow them.   I  recommend you say something to the effect of "With all due respect, Mistress So and So, I am submissive only to the one I've gotten to know and decided to submit to."  (Or something like that...something gentle.)  You don't EVER have to submit to anyone except YOUR Mistress but you should always treat a Domme with respect.  People who are rudely giving you commands online are probably not real life Dommes, anyway.  Real life Dommes expect you to NOT follow orders from anyone you have not agreed to submit to.

 11) Its really unfortunate, but there are a lot more submissive males then females online.  However, there aren’t that many more quality submissive males then Domme females if you are a quality sub.  Be sure and stand out with your chat and profile.  Don't do the cyber kneeling, serving coffee, rubbing feet and other silly crap.  In most rooms, we don't go for that. Take the time to demonstrate how intelligent and witty you are.

 12) Being new (hey we were ALL new once!) is nothing to be ashamed of.   Its unfortunate that many forget they were new once, and look down upon newbies.  I'm sorry for that and please remember when you are experienced that you were new once.  The regulars in Real Submissive Men or RT Submissive Men will take the time to answer sincere questions.  DON'T ask questions like, "What do you do with your sub?"  or "What would you do to me if I were your sub."  We don't do fantasy fodder.

 13) Don’t hesitate to ask questions! Its great to get the room going, and its a learning experience.

 14) Some subs here really stand out. If you notice a sub that has the respect of the Dommes, envy him, but also watch him and learn from him!

 15) One of my WORST Pet peeves, is people who "name names" in the room: IE who they are IMing with, who they've done cyber/phone or real with, etc.  I wouldn’t even CONSIDER getting too personal with someone who'd do that.  Technically, if someone is at a party, you can only discuss their attendance with others who were at the same party unless you have their permission.  A certain Domme wannabe and her sub recently threatened to sue over it here, so be warned.  While the consensus is that they would not have done so if the attention had been favorable instead of pointing up the woman's ineptitude, still, who needs the hassle?  Better to be safe than sorry.

 16) If you were to walk into a crowded bar where everyone was busy talking and went and sat in a corner and meekly said "Hi," nobody would notice you. The same applies here. Don't just say "Hello all." Greet people individually. Hello, Rose!  Hi Ms. Lorien.

 17) Being worthy--I know everyone has their kinks, but I am a little confused by the subs that come in saying they are not worthy. If you're not worthy, why would a Domme want you? Perhaps you should do whatever it takes to make yourself worthy!

 18) Some people seem to think that being a sub male means being a "wussy," but, I can tell you from first hand experience that most submissive men are very MUCH Men.  They just know what they like, which is to please their Mistress in EVERY Way possible (within their limits)

 19) Don’t ask permission to leave a room or enter a room unless a Domme who owns you is IN the room.  Cyber is time consuming, boring, and usually silly.  Don't tell us you are kneeling, have your head bowed, etc.  We don't CARE.  We do this real time, not in cyber. 

 20) Honesty is VERY important online, if your married ADMIT it.  There are a lot of other married folks online looking for something non-committal.  Just be open and honest.  It’s the best thing to do.

21) Manners are of the utmost importance.  You ARE being watched by the Dommes and though they are forgiving, not forever!

This document was added to and adapted from one that Ms. Rose32 drew up for the Submissive Men Room.  If you want to do cyber, they do scene in there.  But the same strictures apply there as here.


(This article is probably 15-20 years old.  These days, more people are on Fetlife than are in chatrooms.  See Domina's article on Fetlife.)

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