The Three Great Lies of S&M (and a few others)...

Copyright 1995 by Jay Wiseman, Lady Green, Glen the paramedic, and Dale the actress.

...that we tell straight people.

1. It's a fashion statement.

2. It's for a crafts project.

3. I fell off my bicycle.

...that we tell each other.

1. I've never even fantasized about doing that.

2. I just do this for fun. I don't need it.

3. Mistress, I'll do anything you want.

...that we tell ourselves.

1. I'm normal.

2. I always stop when I feel genuine anger.

3. I only play with people I respect.

4. I'm doing this for healthy reasons.

... that dominant men tell submissive women.

1. I think of women as equals.

2. I have a healty relationship with my mother.

3. I truly believe that it takes a strong woman to submit..


.. that submissive women tell dominant men.

1. I don't have any unresolved issues regarding my father.

2. It's enough to serve you, Master. I don't need to get off.

3. I really want you to be in charge.

4. I love it when you come in my mouth.

5. Licking your feet and asshole really turns me on.

6. I like your pot belly.

7. You own me body and soul.

... that submissive men tell dominant women.

1. I'll do anything you want.

2. I exist only to serve you.

3. I don't care about getting off.

4. I regard women as superior beings.

5. You're beautiful to me.

6. I really get off on doing housework for you.

7. My wife knows that I do this.


... that dominant women tell submissive men.

1. I basically like men.

2. Wearing high heels makes me feel more powerful.

3. I can't top anybody who doesn't turn me on.

4. I never switch.

5. I love giving golden showers.

... that dominant, heterosexual men tell each other.

1. My slave never says no to me.

2. Some of my best friends are submissive men.

3. When I watch you play at a party, I don't secretly hope that you'll fuck up and everyone will notice.

4. I can still be dominant after I've had an orgasm.

... that submissive, heterosexual men tell each other.

1. The most important thing is to serve the Mistress.

2. I never tell her what to do.

3. I've never gone to a professional Mistress.

4. I love it when my Mistress won't let me come for days.

5. I don't think my Mistress is fat.

6. I don't mind that you can take more pain than I can.

7. I really believe that my mission in life is to serve women.

8. I really like going down on my Mistress during her period.


... that bi switches tell each other.

1. I truly don't care which gender I play with.

2. I'm not at all homophobic.

3. I separate sex from SM.

4. Being bi is the best of both worlds.

5. I only play with people I feel intimate with.

6. I only play with other switches.

... that we tell vanilla prospective play partners.

1. It's not pain. It's just strong sensation.

2. This is fundamentally a nurturing activity.

3. Submission is empowering.

4. You need to explore this side of yourself.

... that dominant women tell each other.

1. I have the perfect slave.

2. I feel that you and I are part of a Sisterhood.

3. I can stay in top space while I'm getting fucked.

... that submissive women tell each other.

1. My Master takes good care of me.

2. I'm not really an exhibitionist.

3. I don't feel competitive towards other submissives.

4. It's OK with me if you play with my Master.


... that professional Mistresses tell each other.

1. Business is good.

2. I never have sex with a client.

3. Business is bad.

4. I always stick to my specialty and refer out clients who want other things.

5. I'd do this even if I wasn't getting paid.

6. I never need to bottom.

7. I'm always in control of the session.

8. I'm a good businesswoman.

9. My lover doesn't mind that I do this.

10. It was my choice to leave my last straight job.

And, finally, the three great lies that vanilla people tell SM people.

1. Hearing about this doesn't shock me.

2. I know other people who are into this.

3. We negotiate everything too.

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