Hazardous Materials Information System

MATERIAL SAFETY DATA SHEET WOMAN - A Chemical Analysis

ELEMENT: WOMAN
SYMBOL: WO
DISCOVERER: ADAM
ATOMIC MASS: Accepted as 118 LB, but known to vary from 100 to 550 LB
OCCURRENCE: Copious quantities found in all urban areas

***** PHYSICAL PROPERTIES *****

1. Surface usually covered with a painted film
2. Boils at nothing, freezes without reason
3. Melts if given special treatment
4. Bitter if incorrectly used
5. Found in various states ranging from virgin metal to common ore
6. Yields to pressure applied to correct point

***** CHEMICAL PROPERTIES *****

1. Has a great affinity for gold, silver, platinum and precious stones
2. Absorbs great quantities of expensive substances
3. May explode spontaneously without warning, and for no known reason
4. Insoluble in liquids, but activity greatly increased by saturation
in alcohol
5. Most powerful money-reducing agent known to man

***** COMMON USES *****

1. Highly ornamental, especially in sports cars
2. Can be a great aid to relaxation

***** TEST *****

1. Pure specimen turns rosy pink when discovered in the natural state
2. Turns green when placed beside a better specimen

***** HAZARDS *****

1. Highly dangerous except in experienced hands
2. Illegal to possess more than one at a time

Why Chocolate is Better Than a Man

1) You can GET chocolate.
2) "If you love me, you'll swallow that" has real meaning with chocolate.
3) Chocolate satisfies even when it has gone soft.
4) You can safely have chocolate while you are driving.
5) You can make chocolate last as long as you want it to.
6) You can have chocolate even in front of your mother.
7) If you bite the nuts too hard, the chocolate won't mind.
8) Two people of the same sex can have chocolate without being called nasty names.
9) The word "commitment" doesn't scare off chocolate.
10) You can have chocolate on top of your workbench/desk during working hours without upsetting your co-workers.
11) You can ask a stranger for chocolate without getting your face slapped.
12) You don't get hairs in your mouth with chocolate.
13) With chocolate, there's no need to fake it.
14) Chocolate doesn't make you pregnant.
15) You can have chocolate at any time of the month.
16) Good chocolate is easy to find.
17) You can have as many kinds of chocolate as you can handle.
18) You are never too young or too old for chocolate.
19) When you have great chocolate, it doesn't keep your neighbors awake.
20) With chocolate, size doesn't matter. It's ALL good!