Domina's D/s Humor Page

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(This IS just a joke, okay?)

* Real Doms don't negotiate. They are naturally superior beings who are always right and intuitively know what is best for their partners. You can tell this is so by the sound of exploding landmines as they rid their subs of all those silly inhibitions which inhibit their rightful enjoyment of their property.

* Real Dommes are always beautiful, always dress in fetish wear, and are thrilled to wear spike heels for their subs.

* Real Dom always wear black leather. This is an absolute requirement to identify themselves as the one in charge. Aggressiveness, command voice, physical compulsion, and a natural aura of dominance are only adjuncts to the essential uniform. As a corollary, the more chains on the leather, the domlier the dom.

* Real Doms have an extensive toy collection. They own multiple instruments of torture and pleasure purchased at great expense from small, often poorly lit speciality shops with the word Leather in the name. Unless unusually and evilly creative, improvisation of implements is frowned on as they might not stand up well in the next "my flogger's bigger than your flogger" contest. Some real Doms will dispute the very use of the word toy for things of such importance. These of course earn the greatest respect for refusing to indulge in humor in what is essentially a staid, solemn undertaking.

* There are no real switches. They are all just figments of their own imaginations. Anyone who plays with them is therefore, by definition, delusional and should seek help. All evidence to the contrary, such as bruises, welts, sore muscles, deep dives, satisfaction of sexual appetites, etc., should be ignored as immaterial or as symptomatic of the pathology of their disturbance.

* Real Doms would never consider performing oral sex on their subs.

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(Another joke. DON'T take this seriously)

* Real subs don't use capital letters in their names. Such activity, whether in signing posts or email or appearing in the room, is not only an inconvenience to the Doms who might otherwise have to actually talk to them and get to know them, it's also just downright disrespectful. You know this from the indignant explanations from new AOL converts when they are told you don't want them to lick your boots but that you'd be glad to lick theirs.

* Real subs are masochists. They love being struck by floggers, whips, paddles, canes, and other implements. Claims to the contrary should be ignored because they obviously just haven't discovered this aspect of themselves yet but will after a few appropriate scenes. Besides, if they truely only sought psychological domination, they could find sexual ectasy in joining a cult or by marrying vanilla and subbing to an overly instrusive in-law.

* Real femsubs are always naked and chained when at home with their M.'s. Otherwise, they're just housewives.

* Real guysubs get off on ironing and washing dishes for their Mistresses.

* Real subs have no limits. If a sub insists that he/she won't do something, they obviously aren't a Real Sub (tm). Self protection has no place in true submission.


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