Domina's D/s Humor Page

snakebar.gif (2636 bytes)

How to be a ROD

In light of the recent posts going around about how to be a Smart-Assed Masochist, here is a list of how to be a ROD (Really Obnoxious Dominant)

~ Insist that all Bondage play be done only with Silly string.
~ For gagging, use Giant Supersourball Bubble gum, found in Grocery vending machines. ~When your sub starts turning blue from too-tight bounds, tell them how it brings out the color of their eyes ...
~Make them embroider "This Ass Owned and operated by Mistress/Master (insert name here) on all of their work clothes.
~ Flog your submissive... just before they reach sub-space, sing all verses and Choruses of "Tie me Kangaroo down sport" while circling them with the silly-string can on full blast...

~Asked to be served watermelon, at a play party...bend them over, naked of course, and have a seed spitting contest with all the Dominants aiming for the subs anus (hey...that might actually be a fun one for the "games list" heheh).... a comment sent by the Dom sender to me...not my comment..ok?? :))
~ For wax-play, paint your sub entirely black, then drip a colorful pattern on them with your brand new box of 96 vibrant colored crayolas, scratch the colors off with a toothpick, revealing an interesting design underneath...
~ When they call their safeword, make them say "pretty please"...then "pretty please with sugar on top"...before you stop.
~Have a new favorite flogger made of gummiworms.
~Superglue the nipple clamps ON.
~ Send your sub to the Dairy Queen for 2 quarts of Milkshakes, when they return, have the enema bag hanging in full view.
~Sit upright for a backrub, keep saying "a little to the left" until they get dizzy from going around you.
~Wear rainbow socks with toes in them with your 5" stilettos for that foot fetishist submissive.
~Replace the St. Andrew's Cross in the dungeon with a life size replica of "Barney the purple Dinosaur" that sings, "I love you, you love me..." attach metal cuffs to the arms and legs of sub and Barney, go watch a video of Gone With The Wind.
~Take your sub to K-mart...lose them and have them called over the intercom: "Will the redassed-sissyboy/sub-gal (insert favorite humiliating term) meet your Master/Goddess at the customer service desk"
~Give all directives and commands in a Donald Duck voice.
~When tired of the Donald Duck voice, use pig-latin.
~ When you sub begs to cum, look perplexed and say, " are already here"
~Insist that you are a born natural with a bull whip.

snakebar.gif (2636 bytes)
And an addition by Croiduire:  

While reading "How to be A ROD" (in front of your devoted subbie) stop, grin like Christopher Walken, and say, "YEESSS!!!" (punctuated by a sharp, triumphant, upward jab of the fist). When your sub anxiously asks which suggestion you found so "interesting" chortle like Jack Nickleson and say, "Oh, you'll find out..."
DOMestic Mailing List

Personals Logo
Alternative Personals! CLICK HERE to go to The Frugal Domme A Proud Member of the Alternative Connections Network