Domina's D/s Humor Page

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Fifteen Rules I Learned the Hard Way

by  Hayden

1. Never make side bets with a Dominant.

2. Drool is attractive from beneath a gag. Slurp with pride!

3. Keep your lip in the "un" pout position when clamps are about.

4. Wiggle on your marked up butt at least five times a day.

5. Ignore the funny stares from your co-workers.

6. Experiment with punishment items prior to receiving it. (that way you KNOW just how bad you don't want that particular punishment.)

7. Saying "I hate that" translates to: "Thank you Mistress, may I have it please"

8. Always keep your vibrator set to page...err...that is...your pager set to vibrate.

9. All soap tastes bad.

10. Keep your teeth off your tongue during a scene.

11. Always carry an extra pair of comfortable panties. (unless you like that elastic-band up your butt.)

12. Don't test the strength of a clamp on your Dominant.

13. Washable markers don't always wash off skin.

14. Wipe the lube off your hands PRIOR to removing the binder clamp.

15. Don't look down when your tits are on fire.

2000 by Hayden

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A Submissive's BlackBoard Lessons

by Torms Tiara
Copyright Torms Tiara, 1997
All Rights Reserved

I will not carve my name on the the flogger handles
I will not spank others without Masters permission
I will not aim for Master's head
I will not yell the Safeword in the grocery store
I will not sell the names of my newsgroup list to the National Enquirer
I will not read and giggle at Master's logs from the Dom Forum
I will not yell fire everytime Master lights a candle
Funny noises are not really funny
I will not slap Master with my bra

Punishment is not boring or pointless
I will not call Master "Dr. Death".
I will not defame the Eulenspeigl Society. I will not put laxatives in the candy bowl before Master's D/s party.
I will not hide the newbies or send them Snipe Dom hunting.
I will not bring sheep to the subbie forum.A burp is not an appropriate response to Master.
I will not eat all Master's M & M's while he is at work
I will not yell she's tied up at the subbie forum
Master's Gags are not to be used to keep the children quiet .
I will not call Master "spud head", "butt head" or any kind of "head".
Masters ARE perfect.
Mud is not an acceptable side dish for dinner for Master.
I will NOT wear panties.
I will not sell snake oil or tiger balm at Master's D/s parties.
Iwill not peek out of the blindfold.
There is no suchthing as "sub immunity".
I will not sneak in the bathroom when I don't have permission.
I did not win an emmy for my last session.
I will not hide all Master's toys.
All play and no work does not a good sub make.
I will not say "Oh, Master you're the bestest and biggest" just to get a spanking.
I can not fire Master. !!!
My last assignment was not stolen by one armed net hackers
I will not scare the newbies by telling them ALL REAL subs like bullwhips.
I will refrain from saying "Hail Satan" when I don't like Master's orders
I will not remind Master daily of our 1 day, 1 week, 1 month, 1 yr.  anniversary
I will not waste wax!! by playing with it or putting it on all Master's clamps
I will not use Master's bondage table for a skateboard ramp or a slide into  the pool
I will not wear Master's underwear on my head !!
Master's dog does not stink !
I will not torment the newbies with the Violet Wand !
I will not use the pages from Master's Dom Handbook to start the grill
I will not giggle uncontrollably when the cat decides to "help" Master.

Nor will I remind him that he is Sub for the Cat.
I will ATTEMPT not to laugh when the son remarks that he heard "slapping" noises and got up to see where they were coming from.
I will faithfully remember that washing Masters shorts with my red sweatshirt  is not a good thing to do.
I will try to remember that Masters are allowed to snore.
I will not cut and paste my Master's IMs to the chat room
"All the other Dom's let their subs do it" is not a valid reason
I will not giggle when my Master is lecturing me
I will not get my subbie friends into trouble, as they are capable of doing  that on their own.
I will not refer to my Master as "Cute", when he is angry

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