|DAY 762 - Slept all day so that I could annoy my captors with
sleep depriving, incessant pleas for food at ungodly hours of the night.
DAY 765 - Decapitated a mouse and brought them the headless body, in attempt to make them
aware of what I am capable of, and to try to strike fear into their hearts. They only
cooed and condescended about what a good little cat
I was...Hmmm. Not working according to plan ......
DAY 768 - I am finally aware of how sadistic they are. For no good reason I was chosen for
the water torture. This time however it included a burning foamy chemical called
"shampoo." What sick minds could invent such a
liquid. My only consolation is the piece of thumb still stuck between my teeth.
DAY 771 - There was some sort of gathering of their accomplices. I was placed in
solitary throughout the event. However, I could hear the noise and smell the foul odor of
the glass tubes they call "beer." More
importantly I overheard that my confinement was due to MY power of "allergies."
Must learn what this is and how to use it to my advantage.
DAY 774 - I am convinced the other captives are flunkies and maybe snitches. The dog is
routinely released and seems more than happy to return. He is obviously a half-wit. The
Bird on the other hand has got to be an
informant. He has mastered their frightful tongue (something akin to mole speak) and
speaks with them regularly. I am certain he reports my every move. Due to his current
placement in the metal room his safety is
assured. But I can wait. It is only a matter of time.
Cats are Computers
Cats are computers?
All this time I thought that "PC" stood for Personal Computer. How wrong
1) bilateral frontal whisker array
2) bilateral adjustable audio dishes (range 20-20,000Hz),
3) stereoscopic scanning device, with night vision
4) Velcro(tm) flavor sampling device/energy collector
5) twin front-mounted odor sampling devices.
1) internally mounted purrbox
2) single speaker with separate growl mode
3) rear-mounted, fully-jointed semaphore device.
1) parallel neuron array with Random Access Memory
2) autonomic control of system software.
1) calcium-based skeletal structure
2) byte-to-bit conversion array
3) retractable document shredder/hole punch
4) pawpad printer
5) mouse (standard catnip).
natural fiber protective covering in various colors
Your PC will come preloaded with one of the following:
DOS (domestic shorthair)
OS (other shorthair)
MS (megasoft, installed in units with fuzzy covering)
Conversion to Eunuchs can be done by a simple operation. This is recommended
to prevent the proliferation of cheap PC clones.
Bundled Software may include the following:
and Stuffit Expander.
Your PC will automatically convert from laptop to desktop as needed.
There are no user-serviceable parts inside.
OPERATING YOUR PC
To start up your PC, push the power button (on any electric can opener).
Your PC has an energy-saving mode known as Sleep.
Your PC will Sleep automatically if unused for a short period of time, or you may
invoke the Sleep mode by placing your PC in a soft, warm area. To wake your PC from Sleep
you may press the power button as in Start, shake the mouse, or tap any of the PC's
input devices (see specs).
To perform a Warm Boot: Remove your shoe, then tap the PC gently with your
To perform a Cold Boot: Same technique as for Warm Boot, but leave your shoe on.
To Reboot: Repeat the Warm Boot.
Cleaning your PC: Use only mild soap and water, no solvents. Surface wash
only. Total immersion is not recommended. If partial immersion is necessary,
wear proper hand and face protection and make sure your PC is
fully dry when finished.
Compatability and Networking: Your PC is designed to independently assess
compatibility with other PCs.
Running Eunuchs will generally give your PC greater compatibility with other PCs. It
may be necessary to install a firewall between incompatible PCs as each may
attempt to breach the other's security systems.
Compatible PCs may share thermal energy and cleaning tasks and may network for
Please note that your PC will be incompatible with units of type BIRD and
FISH, unless appropriate security measures (such as a firewall) are installed. Your
PC may tolerate one or more DOG units provided they occupy
a subordinate position within the hierarchial structure.
Power Requirements: Alternating supply of canned cat food and dry cat food.
Direct supply of water. Direct access to solar and thermal energy sources.
PC has difficulty exiting ... perform a Warm Boot.
PC shares files from dinner/table/plates without permission: Boot your PC
prior to running food-related software.
PC Hangs Up Phone During Connection to ISP: Try invoking sleep mode prior to
connecting to ISP. Otherwise, perform a Warm Boot.
PC Is Frozen: PC is probably scanning for small life forms. Reboot until
Deleted Material Not Going to Trash or Recycling Bin: reprogram preferences in