Domina's D/s Humor Page
(author unknown--Please let me know if you are aware who's work this is.)
Some ground rules to help people determine if the sex counted. This list of rules can also be very helpful to determine if you have cheated on your spouse or significant other.
1. Oral Sex does not count.
2. If you can't remember the person's name the following day, doesn't count
3. If you failed to call the person back to have more sex, doesn't count
4. If neither of you achieved orgasm, doesn't count
5. Sex with a friend, doesn't count, it's just another thing you share
6. If the act was so lame, you leave thinking "did I shave my legs for this", doesn't count
7. An old flame, doesn't count
8. An ex-spouse, doesn't count ,refer to this as a "pity fuck"
9. Masturbating in front of someone while they do the same, sorry, not sex
10. Cyber-sex - NO WAY - this is glorified masturbation
11. 2 heterosexual women having fun, not sex
12. kissing body parts is not cheating
13. an act to make a married person feel good about themselves, not sex, BUT only if you do not know their significant other
14. an act committed while you were intoxicated, doesn't count
15. an act committed with a family member of your significant other, doesn't count, this should be referred to as "a skeleton in the family closet"
16. acts committed in a public place, doesn't count (why should it, it was public right?)
17. phone sex, doesn't count, refer back to "glorified masturbation"
18. in car, doesn't count, way to cramped, if vehicle is in motion and has a console or stick shift, this counts, way to kinky and erotic not to count, unless the act was totally oral, then refer back torule #1
19. an act committed in which the female of the encounter did not achieve total satisfaction (orgasm), doesn't count
20. an act committed in which total bodily fluids have not been exchanged (pull 'n pray method of birth control) doesn't count
21. an act in which no kissing takes place, doesn't count (not considered to be intimate)
22. an act in which "you do all the work", doesn't count
| 23. an act committed with your
next door neighbor, doesn't count, this should be referred to as "being
24. an act committed with an acquaintance because you are angry with your significant other doesn't count
25. an act which only happens on a random basis, doesn't count, this should be considered "getting aquainted".
26. an act with a US President , doen't count, unless the Senate votes impeachment.
27. an act with your boss, doesn't count, just considered career enhancement; and/or additional employee benefits.
What would happen if suddenly, magically, men could menstruate and women
| Of course,
male intellectuals would offer the most moral and logical arguments.
How could a woman master any discipline that demanded a sense of time, space, mathematics, or measurement, for
instance, without that
in-built gift for measuring the cycles of the moon and planets-and thus for measuring anything at all? In the rarefied fields of philosophy and religion, could women compensate for missing the rhythm of the universe?
Or for their lack of symbolic death-and-resurrection every month?
Liberal males in every field would be kind to women: the fact that "these people" have no gift for measuring life or connecting the universe, the liberals would explain, that should be punishment enough.