Domina's D/s Humor Page

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The Real Woman's Dictionary

Author:  Mrs. Webster

1. "Fine"
This is the word women use at the end of any argument when they feel they are right but can't stand to hear you argue any longer. It means that you should shut up. (NEVER use "fine" to describe how she looks. This will cause you to have one of those arguments.)

2. "Five minutes"
This is half an hour. It is equivalent to the five minutes that your
Football game is going to last before you take out the trash, so
women feel that it's an even trade.

3. "Nothing"
"Nothing" means something and you should be on your toes. "Nothing"
is usually used to describe the feeling a woman has of wanting to turn
you inside out, upside down, and backwards. "Nothing" usually signifies
an argument that will last "Five Minutes" and end with the word "Fine."

4. "Go Ahead" (with raised eyebrows)
This is NOT permission; it's a dare! If you mistake it for
permission, the result will be the woman will get upset over "Nothing" and
you'll have a "Five Minute" discussion that will end with the word "Fine."

5. "Go Ahead" (normal eyebrows)
This is NOT permission, either. It means "I give up" or "do what you
want because I don't care." You will get a raised eyebrow "Go Ahead"
in just a few minutes, followed by "Nothing" and "Fine" and she will
talk to you in about "Five Minutes" when she cools off.

6. "Loud Sigh"
This is not actually a word, but is still often a verbal statement.
Very frequently misunderstood by men. A "Loud Sigh" means she thinks
you are a complete idiot and wonders why she is wasting her time
standing here and arguing with you over "Nothing!."

7. "Soft Sigh"
Again, not a word, but a verbal statement. "Soft Sighs" are one of
the few things that some men actually understand. It means she is
momentarily content. Your best bet is to not move or breathe in the
hope that the moment will last a bit longer.

8. "Oh"
This word -- followed by any statement -- is trouble. Example: "Oh,
let me get that." Or, "Oh, I talked to him about what you were doing last
night."  If she says "Oh" before a statement, run, do not walk, to the
exit.  She will tell you that she is "Fine" when she is done tossing
your clothes out the window, but do not expect her to talk to you for
at least two days. ("Oh" as the lead to a sentence usually signifies
that you are caught in a lie.)
Do not try to lie more to get out of it, or you will get a raised
eyebrow "Go ahead," sometimes followed by acts so unspeakable that I
can't bring myself to write about them.

9. "That's Okay"
This is one of the most dangerous statements that a woman can say to
a man. "That's Okay" means that she wants to think long and hard before
deciding what the penalty will be for whatever you have done. "That's
Okay" is often used with the word "Fine" and in conjunction with a
raised eyebrow "Go Ahead." Once she has had time to plan it out, you
are in for some mighty big trouble.

10. "Please Do"
This is not a statement, it is an offer. The woman is giving you the
chance to come up with an excuse for what you have done. In other
words, a chance to get yourself into even more trouble. If you handle
this correctly, you shouldn't get a "That's Okay."

11. Thanks
The woman is thanking you. Don't faint and don't look for hidden
meaning. Just say "you're welcome."

12. "Thanks A Lot"
"Thanks A Lot" is dramatically different from "Thanks." A woman will
say "Thanks A Lot" when she is really ticked off at you. It is
usually followed by the "Loud Sigh." This signifies that you have hurt her
some callous way. Be careful not to ask what is wrong after the "Loud
Sigh," as she will only tell you "Nothing."