SEMINARS FOR MALES

1. Combating Stupidity
2. You, too, can do housework.
3. PMS -- Learn when to keep your mouth shut.
4. How to fill an ice tray.
5. We do not want sleazy underthings for Christmas -- Give us money.
6. Understanding the female response to your coming in drunk at 4:00 am.
7. Basic laundry techniques (formerly titled "Don't wash my silks")
8. Parenting -- No, it doesn't end with conception.
9. Get a life -- learn to cook.
10. How not to act like an asshole when you're obviously wrong.
11. Spelling -- Even you can get it right.
12. Understanding your financial incompetence.
13. You -- The Weaker Sex.
14. Reasons to give flowers.
15. How to stay awake after sex.
16. Why it is unacceptable to relieve yourself anywhere but the bathroom.
17. Garbage -- Getting it to the curb.
18. You can fall asleep without "it" if you really try.
19. The morning dilemma if "It's" awake. (formerly "Take a shower")
20. I'll wear it if I damn well please.
21. How to put the toilet lid down (formerly "No, it's not a bidet").
22. "The weekend" and "sports" are not synonyms.
23. Give me a break! Why we know your excuses are bullshit.
24. How to go shopping with your mate and not get lost.
25. The remote control -- Overcoming your dependency.
26. Romanticism -- Ideas other than sex.
27. Helpful postural hints for couch potatoes.
28. Mothers-in-law -- They are people, too.
29. Male bonding -- Leaving your friends at home.
30. You too can be a designated driver.
31. Seeing the true you (formerly "No, you don't look like Mel Gibson, especially when naked!")
32. Changing your underwear -- It really works
33. The Attainable Goal -- Omitting "tits" from your vocabulary.
34. Fluffing the blankets after flatulating is NOT necessary.
35. Techniques for calling home.
36. Asking for directions -- not a leading cause of death.

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SEMINARS FOR WOMEN

1. "Are you ready to leave?" --Definition of the word "yes".
2. Appropriate rhetorical questions (formerly "Honey, do I look fat?")
3. Elementary Map Reading.
4. Crying and law enforcement.
5. Advanced Math Seminar -- Program your VCR.
6. You can go shopping in less than 4 hours.
7. Gaining five pounds v. the end of the world: a study in contrast.
8. The Seven-Outfit week.
9. PMS -- It's YOUR problem, not mine (was: It's Happened Monthly Since Puberty -- Deal with it.)
10. Driving I: Getting past automatic transmission.
11. Driving II: The meaning of blinking red lights.
12. Driving III: Approximating a constant speed.
13. Driving IV: Makeup and Driving -- It's as Simple as Oil and Water.
14. The Super Bowl: Not a Game -- A Sacrament.
15. Telephone Translations (was: "Me, too" equals "I Love You")
16. Giftgiving Fundamentals (was: Fabric Bad, Electronics Good)
17. Putting the Seat Down by Yourself: Potential Energy is on Your Side.
18. Know when to say when: The limits of makeup.
19. Beyond "Clean and Dirty": The Nuances of Wearable Laundry.
20. We forget birthdays, you forget sports stats: LET'S LET IT DROP.
21. MYOB: Proper response to other couple's public arguments.
22. Yes, You Can Buy Condoms (was: WE learned to deal with the embarrassment).
23. Joys of the Remote Control: Reaping the Benefits of 50+ Channels.
24. What Goes Around Comes Around -- Why his Credit Card is not a toy.
25. The Penis: His Best Friend Can Be Yours.
26. His Poker Games: Deal Yourself Out.
27. Commitment Schmittment (was: Wedlock Schmedlock).
28. "To Honor and Obey": Remembering the small print above "I Do".
29. Why Your Mother is Unwelcome in the House.
30. Your Mate: Selfish Bastard, or Victimized Sensitive Man-child.
31. Healing his Father Wound by Expressing the Latent Wild Man Within?
32. Speaking Your Mind: Exploding the Myth of the Psychic Male

 

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